The Simpsons

"Science can't explain why our lives are so terrible."

"Art is what we admire while eating our feelings."

"Nature? More like a place where bugs attack you."

"Peace is something other people have."

"Freedom is overrated when you're stuck at the DMV."

"The truth is, we're disasters."

"Time moves slowly when you're unhappy."

"Education? We barely survived high school."

"We've learned that beauty fades, but cattiness is forever."

"Hope is just disappointment waiting to happen."

"Selma and I are a package deal—misery loves company."

"Smoking is the only thing that keeps us sane."

"Our dreams died around the same time our husbands did."

"Love? That's what happens before the betrayal."

"Work is just something we do until we die."

"Mmm, donuts. The one true source of happiness."

"We're not bitter, we're just realistic about life's disappointments."

"Another day, another dollar we don't have."

"Oh Marge, why do you always have to be so perfect?"

"The only true victory is one achieved through your own effort and cunning."

"Science provides the methods; passion provides the motivation."

"Music and murder are both forms of expression requiring artistry."

"Nature is indifferent to morality, as am I largely."

"Peace is merely the absence of immediate danger and detection."

"Truth ultimately prevails, though I often prefer creative alternatives."

"Courage is acting despite knowing the probable consequences."

"Change is the only constant, besides my incarceration."

"Success requires dedication that surpasses all moral limitations."

"Happiness is achieved through acceptance of one's true nature."

"Life is what one makes it, often quite bloody in my case."