The Simpsons

"Power corrupts, and absolute power makes you a principal."

"Fear is just excitement without the alcohol."

"Strength is the ability to grade papers without crying."

"Kindness is weakness with better intentions."

"Patience is overrated, just like most of my students' essays."

"Justice is what you get if you know the right people."

"Creativity is what I use to explain why my lesson plans are blank."

"Gratitude is appreciating what you have, like empty wine bottles."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with better PR."

"Death is just the ultimate parent-teacher conference cancellation."

"Beauty fades, but a good cocktail never loses its appeal."

"Humor is the best medicine, second only to actual medicine."

"Dreams are just lies your brain tells you while you sleep."

"Work is what you do to afford the drinking you do to forget about work."

"Leadership means being the first one to leave the meeting."

"Faith is believing things will get better, even when they never do."

"Music is the only thing that makes fourth period tolerable."

"Science is just a fancy way of explaining why my relationships fail."

"Art is expression, which is why I paint on my walls with wine."

"Nature is beautiful until you have to grade papers about it."

"Peace is what you get when everyone's asleep."

"Freedom is just another word for avoiding responsibility."

"The truth is usually less interesting than a good lie."

"Time flies when you're having fun, and crawls when you're teaching."

"Knowledge without a drink to celebrate it is just depressing."

"Education is wasted on people who actually have to use it."

"Change is the only constant, especially in my love life."

"Courage is just fear with better timing."

"Hope is what kills you slowly, one day at a time."

"Family is what you're stuck with; friends are what you choose at a bar."