The Simpsons

"Politics is how people prove they're idiots."

"Literature is homework with cultural pretensions."

"Philosophy is overthinking simple problems."

"History proves that nothing ever really changes."

"Technology is ruining authentic human connection."

"Imagination is what kids use to ignore homework."

"Adventure is something other people do."

"Health is for people who have given up drinking."

"Money solves most problems, unlike mine."

"Power is an illusion, like teacher appreciation."

"Fear is the only thing that keeps you honest."

"Strength is hiding your problems from others."

"Kindness is overrated in a competitive world."

"Patience is a virtue I abandoned years ago."

"Justice is a myth, like Santa and tenure."

"Creativity is knowing how to fake enthusiasm."

"Gratitude is appreciating the small things, like early dismissal."

"Perseverance is just refusing to quit, which I do regularly."

"Death might be preferable to parent-teacher night."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, usually after drinks."

"Humor is the only honest art form left."

"Dreams are the brain's way of wasting your sleep."

"Work is a four-letter word I won't repeat in class."

"Leadership is delegating problems to people beneath you."

"Faith is believing without evidence, like my students' potential."

"Music soothes the savage breast and the savage teacher."

"Science explains everything except why I'm still here."

"Art imitates life, which is why most of it is disappointing."

"Nature is lovely from a distance, preferably through a window."

"Peace is what you get between crises."