The Simpsons

"Freedom costs nothing until you actually want it."

"Truth is subjective, especially on Mondays."

"Time is a construct designed to make you miserable."

"Knowledge is power, but wine is better."

"Education is wasted on the young because they remember it."

"Change is inevitable, unfortunately."

"Courage is just stupidity dressed up nicely."

"Hope is for people who haven't lived long enough."

"Family is blood, but friends are choice—and I choose bars."

"Friendship is just love with better exit strategies."

"Wisdom comes with age, and wine."

"Life teaches you lessons you never wanted to learn."

"Success is being too drunk to realize you failed."

"The secret to happiness is low expectations and high alcohol content."

"Love is a four-letter word, much like most of my opinions."

"I've taught so long, I've forgotten why I started."

"Solitude is just loneliness with a better vocabulary."

"Relationships are temporary, but regrets are forever."

"Inspiration usually comes from other people's mistakes."

"Motivation is what you need when passion isn't enough."

"War is peace with slightly better beverages."

"Politics is just organized lying with better press releases."

"Literature is boring until someone makes it into a movie."

"Philosophy is thinking about things you can't change, like my salary."

"History repeats itself, especially my romantic mistakes."

"Technology has ruined everything, especially my ability to avoid work email."

"Imagination is what failing students use to explain their grades."

"Adventure is what happens when you make bad decisions sober."

"Health is what you lose when you care about your appearance."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy wine, which is close enough."