The Simpsons

"Education is overrated; experience teaches you faster."

"The only change worth making is to your drink order."

"You need courage to admit you're a complete failure."

"Hope is the thing with feathers, and I'd like to shoot it."

"Family dinners are where love goes to die."

"I'd have more friends if I bothered to remember their names."

"Success is when other people finally stop bothering you."

"Happiness is a choice—one I choose not to make."

"The secret to life is lowering your expectations."

"Romance is a young person's game. I'm too tired."

"I'm not cynical, I'm just realistic about disappointment."

"Solitude is the only honest state of being."

"Relationships require communication, which is why I'm single."

"Inspiration is rare, like a student who actually does the homework."

"Motivation is what happens when you have no choice."

"War seems unnecessary until you have to grade 30 essays on it."

"Politics is the only career where incompetence is rewarded."

"Literature is where I find people more dysfunctional than myself."

"Philosophy is just overthinking with footnotes."

"History repeats itself, which is depressing when you're living through it."

"Technology makes life easier, or so they keep telling us."

"Imagination is what children have before reality ruins them."

"Adventure is just a euphemism for getting lost."

"Health is something I'll worry about when I have the energy."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy bourbon, which is close enough."

"Power corrupts, but lack of power makes you bitter."

"Fear keeps you alert; apathy keeps you sane."

"Strength is the ability to say 'whatever' and mean it."

"Kindness is just weakness that hasn't been tested yet."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have time for."