The Simpsons

"Eat my shorts!"

"Solitude is what happens when nobody shows up to the show."

"Relationships are great until the money runs out."

"The best inspiration is an empty wallet."

"Motivation is standing room only and a packed venue."

"War creates ratings. Peace creates reruns."

"Politics is just clowning with votes."

"I read one book once. It was an accounting textbook."

"Philosophy is beautiful, but it doesn't pay the bills."

"History will remember me as a clown. I'm okay with that."

"Technology will never replace the human touch, or so I hope."

"Imagination makes the difference between a clown and a legend."

"Every day is an adventure when you're living on borrowed time."

"Health is wealth unless you're in show business."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy airtime."

"Power is knowing people will laugh even when you're not funny."

"Fear keeps you young. Fear of poverty especially."

"My strength is my ability to take a punch, literally and figuratively."

"Kindness is a luxury clowns can't afford."

"Patience is for waiting rooms and people in TV Guide."

"Justice is whatever verdict I can afford."

"Creativity is the art of reinvention before anyone notices you're over."

"I'm grateful for low expectations."

"Perseverance got me here; stubbornness will keep me here."

"Death and taxes are the only certainties. And cancellation."

"Beauty fades, but money photographs well."

"A day without humor is a day without ka-ching."

"My dreams are in syndication and in high definition."

"Work is a four-letter word, and so is 'quit.'"

"Great leaders know when to abandon ship for a better offer."