The Simpsons

"Philosophy is thinking too hard. Just perform."

"History shows that clowns are timeless. Also timeless? My debts."

"Technology is great until it replaces me."

"Imagination is what separates a good clown from a great con artist."

"Adventure? My whole life is an adventure in staying afloat."

"Health is important, but show business is more important."

"Money makes the world go 'round, and I'm trying to make it spin faster."

"Power is making people laugh whether they want to or not."

"Fear keeps you sharp, especially the fear of bankruptcy."

"Strength comes from knowing your material cold."

"Kindness is for people who can't afford a good lawyer."

"Patience is not my strong suit, and I don't plan to work on it."

"Justice? Justice is what I say it is in my theater."

"Creativity is stealing a joke and making it your own."

"Gratitude? I'm grateful for every sucker who buys a ticket."

"Perseverance is getting back on stage after bombing three nights in a row."

"Death? Don't even think about it, it's terrible for the ratings."

"Beauty is a well-timed punchline and a packed house."

"Humor is the best medicine, second only to actual medicine and money."

"Dreams are what happen when you fall asleep counting your money."

"Work hard, play harder, and always keep the money."

"Leadership means making the tough decisions, like which scotch to drink."

"Faith? I got faith in myself and my accountant."

"Music to my ears is the sound of ka-ching!"

"Science? I leave that to the lab coat guys."

"Art is a clown with a funny nose and deep pockets."

"Nature? That's outside. I don't go outside."

"Peace is overrated. Chaos is where the laughs are."

"Freedom is the right to bomb in front of a live audience."

"The truth? The truth is whatever sells tickets."