The Simpsons

"Faith is believing your agent when he says the check is coming."

"Music is just noise that people paid to hear."

"Science? I'm a science experiment in survival."

"Art imitates life, and I imitate a successful clown."

"Nature is green. Green is money. I like green."

"Inner peace is a myth created by people without careers."

"Freedom is doing whatever I want as long as it's profitable."

"The truth will set you free, but it'll kill your career first."

"Time is money, and I'm running out of both."

"The more you know, the less you can claim as artistic license."

"I went to the school of hard knocks and dropped out."

"Change is just another way to keep the audience guessing."

"It takes courage to bomb in front of thousands."

"My hope is eternal: that tomorrow's show will sell out."

"Happiness is a warm audience and a cold drink."

"The meaning of life? Box office receipts."

"A true friend is someone who laughs at your worst material."

"Never give up, unless the ratings are really bad."

"Love at first sight? I call it 'market penetration.'"

"Every audience is my family, and I'm here to take their money."

"Laughter is the sound of success, or at least temporary success."

"The show must go on, especially if you're behind on rent."

"A joke that lands is worth a thousand words."

"Solitude is just unemployment with delusions of grandeur."

"Relationships are complicated. Money is simple."

"Inspiration strikes when the audience laughs."

"Motivation? I'm motivated by the bank calling."

"War is bad for ratings, but good for emergency broadcasts."

"Politics? I'm a registered whatever gets me votes."

"Literature? I can't even read my own contracts."