The Simpsons

"I've had more jobs than days in a month."

"The truth will set you free, usually right into a jail cell."

"Fear is just a word, usually followed by 'of Lard Lad Donuts'."

"Strength isn't about muscles, it's about the will to keep going."

"Patience is a virtue I've never quite mastered."

"Justice is whatever the most powerful person says it is."

"I'm a dreamer, a visionary, a man of destiny."

"The best adventures are the ones you can barely remember."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy beer, which is close."

"Power comes from within, man."

"I wish I could be sober just one day to see what I'm missing."

"A true friend sticks with you through thick and thin."

"I've tried sobriety, and I didn't like it."

"Life's too short to hold grudges."

"I'm not a bad guy, I'm just misunderstood."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."

"Sometimes you gotta hit rock bottom before you can climb back up."

"I've loved and lost, and I'll probably do it again."

"The world doesn't revolve around beer... but it should."

"Homer's my best friend, and I'd do anything for him."

"I believe in second chances... third and fourth ones too."

"You gotta have courage to admit your mistakes."

"I've been in more bands than most people have had jobs."

"The key to a long life is moderation... and avoiding my family."

"Education? That's for people who aren't as naturally talented as me."

"I'm like a phoenix rising from the ashes... again."

"Sometimes the smallest person can make the biggest difference."

"A man chooses, a slave obeys."

"You ever notice how time flies when you're drinking?"

"I've made so many mistakes, but I'm still here."