The Simpsons

"Success requires commitment, persistence, and a good mallet."

"Happiness is a well-timed anvil drop."

"The only wisdom you need is knowing where to place the TNT."

"Love is just another word for elaborate trap-setting."

"Life is a cartoon - might as well make it explosive."

"Why chase the mouse when you can just use dynamite?"

"Humor is the best medicine, after alcohol."

"Dreams are what you do when reality is unbearable."

"Adventure is waiting around every corner of a bar."

"Health is just the slowest possible way to die."

"Money can't buy class, but it can buy beer, which is better."

"Power is knowing when to ask for help."

"Fear is conquered one drink at a time."

"Strength comes from accepting who you are."

"Kindness is free, unlike beer."

"Patience is what you develop when you're waiting for a beer."

"Justice is blind, drunk, and probably me."

"Creativity is my escape from reality."

"Gratitude for the little things keeps you sane."

"I persevere because giving up requires effort."

"Death and taxes, two certainties in life."

"Beauty fades, but a good buzz lasts forever."

"I've been through rehab so many times, they named a wing after me."

"Tomorrow's always a new day to mess things up differently."

"Knowledge is power, but beer is better."

"I believe in learning from the past, not repeating it."

"Every mistake is just a story waiting to be forgotten."

"The meaning of life? I'll tell you once I figure it out."

"Success is subjective, to me it's another day alive."

"Love is messy and complicated, kind of like my liver."