The Simpsons

"Solitude beats people any day of the week."

"Relationships are like bars—complicated and expensive."

"Inspiration is for people with hope."

"Motivation is what you need when you're lazy."

"War is peace if you don't think about it too hard."

"Politics? Don't get me started."

"Literature is what you read when there's nothing on TV."

"Philosophy is just fancy talk for complaining."

"History repeats itself, and I was there for all of it."

"Technology ruins everything it touches."

"Imagination is what fills the gap between dreams and reality."

"Adventure is just another word for trouble."

"Health is overrated. I've been sick for twenty years."

"Money is the root of all good, I'm pretty sure."

"Power corrupts, but it sure feels good."

"Fear keeps you honest, or at least keeps you awake."

"Strength comes from knowing when to give up."

"Kindness is weakness dressed up nice."

"Patience is a virtue I never had."

"Justice is nine-tenths perception."

"Creativity is just stealing from people you admire."

"Gratitude is for people with something to be grateful for."

"Death is the only thing cheaper than my whiskey."

"Happiness is a beer away."

"Success is just failure with better marketing."

"Leadership is when people do what you say without questioning it."

"Music soothes the savage beast, but not my customers."

"Science? That's for eggheads and nerds."

"Art is whatever doesn't sell."

"Education's a racket, trust me."