The Simpsons

"Get me the number for 911!"

"Why must you hurt me so? All I've ever done is help."

"I've decided to give back to society by donating one penny."

"Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons!"

"Money can be exchanged for goods and services."

"I'm trying to be a better man, but it's exhausting."

"Release the hounds!"

"If I ever finish a beer, the next moment will be the most important of my life."

"Nature is pretty, but it doesn't have electricity or snacks."

"Peace is just what war does when it takes a nap."

"The only freedom that matters is freedom from responsibility."

"I like being with people, but I like being alone even more."

"Inspiration hits when you're not paying attention, which is always for me."

"Motivation is just another word for desperation wearing a nice suit."

"War seems like something that could be solved over a beer."

"Politics is the art of saying nice things and doing bad things."

"I've never read a book, but I've seen a lot of book covers."

"Philosophy is just thinking hard about things you'll never understand."

"History teaches us lessons we promptly ignore and repeat."

"I trust technology the way I trust anyone: not very much."

"Imagination beats reality because reality is usually disappointing."

"Adventures are things that happen to other people in better places."

"Health is a state of mind, and my mind is in a bar."

"Money is just paper that makes you feel important until you run out of it."

"Power is wonderful until you have to use it, then it's too much trouble."

"I fear nothing because I'm already scared of everything."

"Real strength is admitting you're weak and having a beer about it."

"Being kind to people is easier than you'd think, but harder than I do it."

"Patience is what you practice when you have no other choice."

"Justice served cold is just justice that sat in the fridge too long."