The Simpsons

"A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be."

"You know what really grinds my gears? People who can't admit when they're wrong."

"I'm not a bad parent, I'm just not a very good one."

"Work is the greatest enemy of happiness in the world."

"The key to a great relationship is honesty. That's why I never tell Marge anything."

"I think we should go back to making things with our hands, you know, like spaghetti."

"There's no place like home, but home is a boring place."

"I want to be like the guys on TV—you know, a real loser."

"I've learned that life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

"The greatest thing about friendship is that you never have to explain yourself."

"I'm not normally a stupid man, but alcohol makes everything look so easy."

"Sometimes the only way to solve your problems is to leave town and start over."

"You know, it takes two to make a thing go right."

"I'm not a bad guy, I'm just a guy who's bad at making good decisions."

"Trying is the first step toward failure."

"If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing."

"Here's to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"You know, we're just like a real family, except we're not related and we barely like each other."

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"

"My homer sense is tingling."

"Woo-hoo! That's the spirit!"

"Solitude gives me time to plan conquests."

"Relationships are hierarchies I control."

"Motivation is beating the previous record."

"Inspiration? I inspire fear and admiration."

"History needs more chapters about me."

"Literature has nothing on my autobiography."

"Politics is where I'll take over the world."

"War is just bullying that's legal."

"Philosophy? I live it by crushing others."