The Simpsons

"Eat my shorts, man."

"Ha-ha!"

"Solitude is just me, my thoughts, and my financial advisor!"

"Relationships are great - especially the kind you can buy with money!"

"Inspiration struck me when I realized people would pay to watch me make a fool of myself!"

"Motivation is simple - stop working and lose everything!"

"War and peace - both just material for my next special!"

"The only politician worth anything is one who laughs at my jokes!"

"Books? I'm too busy living the life to read about it!"

"Philosophy is overrated - just do what makes you happy and rich!"

"History will remember Krusty the Clown - I've already told them to!"

"Technology's great, but nothing beats the intimacy of a live audience!"

"Imagination is what separates genius from insanity - I have both!"

"Adventure is fine as long as the network's insurance covers it!"

"Health insurance is a racket - I just hire a personal doctor and write it off!"

"Money isn't everything, but it's definitely in the top... everything!"

"Power is having people return your calls within the hour!"

"Fear of failure? That's what keeps me drinking at night!"

"My strength comes from three things: makeup, pratfalls, and spite!"

"Kindness is fine, but business is business, pal!"

"Patient? I don't have time to be patient - there's money to be made!"

"Justice is best served with a sharp punchline and a rim shot!"

"Creativity is stealing from the best and making it worse... I mean, better!"

"I'm grateful for my fans - they're the only reason I still have a job!"

"Perseverance means bombing every night until you finally kill it!"

"Everybody dies, kid - I'm just making sure I go out laughing!"

"Beauty fades, but a well-timed gag is eternal!"

"My dreams are colorful, mostly in shades of green with dollar signs."

"Work hard, party harder, and always have a good accountant!"

"A leader eats first, takes the best dressing room, and blames the writers!"