The Simpsons

"The secret to life is not caring about the secret to life."

"I've failed at everything except being entertaining."

"Love is blind, deaf, and apparently also drinks a lot."

"Home is wherever I am, which is usually a bar."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in problems. Good thing I'm used to being under water."

"The only thing I'm addicted to is a good time. And alcohol. But mainly the good time."

"I used to dream big, now I dream of remembering yesterday."

"Solitude is just another word for drinking alone."

"Relationships are complicated, unlike my relationship with alcohol."

"Inspiration strikes at the most unexpected times, usually after a drink."

"Motivation is what gets me out of bed and back to the bar."

"War is hell, but it's got nothing on a really bad hangover."

"Politics is just rich people arguing about who gets to be in charge of the beer fund."

"The best literature is written on bar napkins after midnight."

"Philosophy is easy when you stop thinking so hard."

"History is just one long series of people making the same mistakes I do."

"Technology comes and goes, but beer is eternal."

"Imagination is what helps me remember things that never happened."

"Adventure is waiting around the corner, usually in a bottle."

"Health is a state of mind I choose not to be in."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy alcohol, which is close enough."

"Power corrupts, but drunk power is just hilarious."

"Fear is nothing when you're three sheets to the wind."

"True strength is admitting you have a problem and doing nothing about it."

"Kindness is just another word for being too drunk to be mean."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have, especially when waiting for a drink."

"Justice means everyone gets a fair shot at the bottle."

"Creativity flows best when you're not thinking straight."

"I'm grateful for many things, mainly free alcohol."

"Perseverance is what keeps me going back to the bar every day."