The Simpsons

"Death is just another word for eternal nap time."

"Beauty fades, but a good buzz is forever."

"Why be serious when you can be hilarious?"

"Dreams are just thoughts with better lighting."

"Work is just something that gets between me and happy hour."

"A true leader knows when to hold them and when to fold them."

"Faith is believing in something greater than yourself, like a full bottle."

"Music is the language of the soul, alcohol is the voice of the spirit."

"Science is great, but have they invented a hangover cure yet?"

"Art is subjective, kind of like my relationship with sobriety."

"Nature is beautiful, especially when viewed through the window of a bar."

"Peace is something I find at the bottom of a bottle."

"Freedom means never having to say you're sorry for being drunk."

"The truth will set you free, but first it'll make you miserable."

"Time flies when you're having fun. Or blackouts. Can't tell the difference."

"Knowledge is power, but beer is more fun."

"Change is good, unless it involves giving up alcohol."

"Courage is what you need when you're about to do something really stupid."

"Family is everything, even if they embarrass you constantly."

"Success isn't about being rich, it's about being happy. Or drunk. Preferably both."

"I may be a bum, but I'm an honest bum."

"Friends are the best kind of people to drink with."

"The key to a happy life is knowing when to stop thinking and start drinking."

"I've been to the depths of despair, and brother, it's not that bad."

"Love is like a fine wine, it intoxicates you and makes you do stupid things."

"You know, I used to be somebody. I had dreams once."

"I'm not a bad guy, I just make bad decisions."

"Barney's my name, drinking's my game."

"I'm gonna go back to the lab and study some... stuff."

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."