The Simpsons

"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."

"I went to the police academy. It took three months and they even let me graduate."

"Gentlemen, we're gonna go back to the past!"

"I have zero respect for you. You know what? I respect you even less now."

"You gotta admit, the house is filled with the sweet smell of success."

"This isn't just your average everyday kind of darkness. This is ADVANCED darkness."

"The courts might not work, but the police sure do."

"The ring came off my pudding can. Take my pen knife, my good man."

"I am the law!"

"Stupid flanders!"

"A gun. Why didn't I think of that?"

"I'm gonna go sit on the couch and not think about anything."

"But Marge, what if we chose Gamblor? Oh, that siren song of slot machines."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals."

"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish things would suck out already."

"Twenty-three skidoo!"

"I'm a big four-eyed lard who lawyers love."

"Marge, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"Rest? But I'm not tired. I'm just gonna close my eyes for a moment."

"The law is like a weapon. Best left to the professionals. Also, cake."

"I'm normally not a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"

"If you're going down, at least do it with style and your sister."

"Our love lives are like a joke nobody laughs at anymore."

"We've learned to find humor in the darkest places."

"Together we're stronger, mostly at making each other laugh at our misery."

"Life is what happens when your plans fail spectacularly."

"We've become unbreakable by being repeatedly broken."

"Our husbands are like bad habits - hard to quit but harder to enjoy."

"Tomorrow's always the same as today. That's the tragedy."