The Simpsons

"I have a dream that one day I'll actually solve a case."

"Ralph, why are you crying? Because my pants are wet."

"Is there any law against being delicious? If so, I'm guilty."

"Chief Wiggum doesn't need a reason. Chief Wiggum IS the reason."

"My gun is my best friend. That's kind of sad."

"If I had a nickel for every crime I've solved... I'd have no nickels."

"I should've paid more attention in Police Academy... class."

"You're not a real cop until you've beaten someone innocent."

"I'm making a citizen's arrest... on myself. For indecency."

"Follow the money and you'll find the crime. Or follow the donuts."

"I didn't become a cop to work, I became a cop to nap."

"Is this seat taken by anyone I know?"

"This badge means I can do whatever I want."

"Woo-hoo! A box! That's a 10-bucks savings right there."

"I'm gonna go beat up the wrong guy, just to be safe."

"If being popular was a crime, I'd be... well, innocent."

"My wife is a woman. Your point being?"

"That's a half-truth, which is like a whole lie."

"I'm gonna need a bigger bribe."

"A cop's job is never done. Thank goodness."

"Never try. Trying is the first step toward failure."

"I should stop drinking... but then again, why?"

"The prison is full. Can we just let 'em go?"

"You're under arrest for being too awesome."

"I'd kill for a donut right now. Literally."

"If it's causing you pain, it's probably bad for you."

"No, mom! Not in front of the fellas!"

"My job is to protect and serve the people I like."

"Ralph, you're dumb. Remember that."

"Flanders is a better chief of police than me. But I'll never admit it."