The Simpsons

"I'm gonna arrest myself. That'll teach them."

"Is it wrong to cheat on a wife? Yes. Is it fun? Also yes."

"I didn't think it was possible, but this town is dumber than I thought."

"You can't have a war without weapons."

"I'm gonna go back in time and prevent the Big Bang."

"Your son is a bad seed. But I'm pretty sure he gets it from you."

"Why is it always the dumb ones who call me?"

"I know a liar when I see one. I'm from Springfield."

"We can all learn something from a tree. Sometimes you're the pigeon, sometimes you're the statue."

"That's the last straw! Well, not literally, that would be weird."

"Ow! I've been shot. Which is not good for me."

"Release the hounds!"

"I just sent out for Chinese and I was very rude."

"Ooh, my car! It's pinned under a couple of rocks!"

"You better start believing in ghosts, because you're in one!"

"Teamwork! That's what made me chief."

"Attention, attention. This is not a test."

"I'm gonna shoot this guy. I mean, hello, he's a guy!"

"Eject the guy, he's dragging us down!"

"I'd like to be reincarnated as an foreman."

"Remember, you can't be too careful with fire. It can kill you."

"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true."

"I'm just gonna go find a bathroom and wait for my courage to come back."

"Quiet, you! Let a man relish his sandwich."

"No, no, the boatmurdered thing was a whole other deal."

"That's funny, I don't remember granting the right to trial."

"Mmm... a shotgun."

"The possibility of physical change frightens me."

"I've always wanted to pretend I was an evil man."

"Lemme just lean against this wall here... for all eternity."