The Simpsons

"We're proof that you can endure anything long enough."

"Patience isn't a virtue, it's survival."

"Our lives are like a bad episode of a worse show."

"We didn't have a meeting of the minds, we had a merger of mistakes."

"Sisterhood means shared misery and shared smokes."

"The best part of our day is when we're gossiping."

"We're living the ultimate cautionary tale."

"Money can't buy us love, but it could buy us peace."

"Two heads are better than one, but our husbands have none."

"We've given up on happiness and settled for adequate."

"Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."

"Cigarettes have never let us down like people have."

"The best times are when we're smoking and complaining together."

"Friendship means someone else who understands the pain."

"Life gets worse, not better. We're experts on this."

"Wisdom is knowing you should've quit long ago."

"The only change we want is to change our husbands."

"Courage is admitting things are terrible and continuing anyway."

"Hope springs eternal, but so does disappointment."

"Family is what you're stuck with forever. Sadly."

"Success to us means making it through another day."

"Happiness is a temporary state we've forgotten."

"We're living proof that love doesn't conquer all."

"Solitude is just another word for lonely."

"Relationships are a slow form of torture you sign up for."

"Inspiration strikes everyone except us."

"Motivation comes from spite and schadenfreude."

"War is what happens when people get tired of talking. We never get tired."

"Politics are as messy as our makeup after crying."

"Literature lets us live better lives. Ours are still terrible."