The Simpsons

"Time heals all wounds, but not ours - we keep reopening them."

"Knowledge is power, but we prefer complaining."

"Education would've helped, but we didn't get much of that."

"Change is the only constant, and we hate change."

"True courage is showing up to work every day with a smile."

"We're not bitter, we're just well-seasoned by experience."

"The best revenge is looking good while being miserable."

"Life is like a box of chocolates, except ours are stale."

"Success is relative - we're relatively unsuccessful."

"Love is just a temporary distraction from loneliness."

"We've earned the right to be cynical through years of disappointment."

"Hope is for people with better lives than ours."

"sisterhood is powerful, especially when complaining together."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure helps you forget about it."

"We didn't choose this life, this life chose us. Poorly."

"Beauty fades, but our bitterness is forever."

"True friendship means never having to say you're sorry... except to us."

"We should've married richer men. Lesson learned for next time."

"Our lives are like a bad sitcom - nobody's laughing."

"Life's too short to waste on people who don't appreciate us."

"We've been to hell and back, and hell was nicer."

"Eesh, look at the size of that thing. Must be compensating for something."

"Marge, your sister married a loser. We married twins."

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle... or is it?"

"We're not getting any younger, and neither are our eggs."

"Literature captures hearts, but Mr. Burns has already captured mine."

"Philosophy asks why we do what we do, and I do it for Mr. Burns."

"History is written by the victors, and Mr. Burns always wins."

"Technology connects us, but I can't seem to connect with my boss."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge, but less important than Mr. Burns."