The Simpsons

"Philosophy means thinking about how bad things are. We're experts."

"History is just a catalog of human failure. We're living it."

"Technology can't fix what's wrong with our lives."

"Imagination is what we use to fantasize about escape."

"Adventure is for people with better luck than us."

"Health is overrated when your spirit is broken."

"Money solves nothing, but lack of it solves even less."

"Power means the ability to complain louder than everyone else."

"Fear is the only thing keeping us from making bigger mistakes."

"Strength comes from accepting you're stuck."

"Kindness is wasted on people who don't appreciate it."

"Patience is a virtue we've mastered through forced circumstance."

"Justice is just revenge with better PR."

"Creativity requires hope. We're creatively hopeless."

"Gratitude is hard when you're grateful for nothing."

"Perseverance is what we call staying stuck."

"Death might finally bring us peace."

"Beauty standards are impossible, which is perfect for us."

"Laughter is the best medicine for everything except our lives."

"Dreams are just nightmares we have while awake."

"Work is what we do to avoid thinking about our choices."

"A leader should have a plan. Our husbands just have delusions."

"Faith is believing things will get better. We're not that delusional."

"Music would be better if we weren't listening to our own sad thoughts."

"Science can't explain why we stay in these relationships."

"Art is just expensive wall decoration, like our lives are expensive time decoration."

"Nature is beautiful, unlike our lives."

"Peace is what we'll get when we're finally dead."

"Freedom means being free to criticize everything."

"The truth is, we deserve better than this."