The Simpsons

"I want to be remembered for something, anything, really."

"Every day is a new opportunity to be disappointed."

"Success is like a girl—it doesn't want anything to do with me."

"I'm not a bad person, I'm just... persistently unfortunate."

"The truth is, I don't know what I'm doing most of the time."

"Knowledge is power, but I'd rather have a slurpee."

"I've learned that money can't buy happiness, but it can buy Squishees, which is basically the same thing."

"Sometimes the only way to deal with fear is to face it head-on... or run away screaming."

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you feel the warmth."

"I'm never gonna have a romantic moment ever again."

"Lisa's a girl, so I can't like her. Wait, I like her."

"That's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I've been shot!"

"Everything I do is stupid and it never works out. And then I die."

"Ay caramba! Wait, that's not my line."

"I'm gonna be popular, I just know it. Any day now, things are gonna change for me."

"Literature saved my life more than once."

"Philosophy: existential dread for children."

"History shows losers existed way before me."

"Technology connects me to people who ignore me."

"Imagination is more real than reality."

"Adventure beats sitting home alone."

"Health is wealth, or so goes the saying."

"Money can't buy me love, but I'd try."

"Power would change everything for me."

"Fear of rejection is my constant companion."

"Strength comes from within, they say."

"Kindness is rare but worth seeking."

"Patience is what I have instead of friends."

"Justice would mean everyone is lonely too."

"Creativity is my escape from reality."