The Simpsons

"Mother always said, 'Seymour, you must be firm but fair.'"

"Life is a test, much like the ones I administer."

"Power is a responsibility I shoulder with great solemnity."

"Nature is beautiful, but it needs landscaping and maintenance."

"Peace is achieved through complete compliance with my authority."

"Imagination should be encouraged, but not rewarded."

"Adventure is best experienced within carefully controlled parameters."

"Music enriches the soul, unless it's rock and roll."

"I have faith in the system, as long as I'm running it."

"Beauty in nature is something I observe from my office window."

"Humor is acceptable only in appropriate contexts and with prior approval."

"Dreams are fine, but they must align with school policy."

"Solitude allows one to contemplate the burden of leadership."

"Relationships require respect, boundaries, and proper documentation."

"Be inspired by those who follow the rules and achieve greatness."

"Motivation comes from knowing your place in the hierarchy."

"War, like school, requires strategy and unwavering leadership."

"I don't understand politics, but I vote straight Republican."

"Literature opens the mind, but only to approved selections."

"Philosophy is fine in theory, but practice requires rules."

"History teaches us that order and discipline lead to civilization."

"Technology is a tool, like detention, for improving educational outcomes."

"Science must be taught properly, with all due respect for the scientific method."

"Art is wonderful, but only when it doesn't interfere with academics."

"Creativity is fine, as long as it follows the approved curriculum."

"I am grateful for every opportunity to serve as Principal."

"Hard work and dedication are the cornerstones of success."

"Health is important, which is why I enforce strict hygiene protocols."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys order and efficiency."

"Strength comes from discipline and a proper respect for authority."