The Simpsons

"I've worked hard to become the lazy slob I am today"

"I believe in three things: you can't fake competence, effort is for people who don't know how to do anything, and the future's so bright I gotta wear shades"

"You're not going to find a better man than me"

"I like my pork chops thick, juicy, and bloody"

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"The sun isn't shining on me, it's shining on me"

"I have to face facts, and the facts are that I'm poor"

"Every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain"

"I love my family more than I love donuts"

"Family is where you make your home"

"Thank you for the extra diddly-dum experience"

"I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb"

"The only thing more important than my family is beer"

"Woo-hoo! One more beer!"

"I'm not stupid, I'm just underutilized"

"I want to share something with you: the real thing that scares me is being left alone"

"Teamwork! That's the power of teamwork"

"The three little words: I don't know"

"Operator! Give me the number for 911"

"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, save me Superman"

"Marge, I've never felt this close to you"

"If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing"

"You know, Marge, you're the only woman who's ever loved me"

"Trying is the first step toward failure"

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at golf"

"Sometimes the smartest thing to do is nothing"

"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish things would suck out already"

"Life is just a bunch of stuff that happens"

"You don't have to be smart to be successful"

"I'm not a bad guy, I'm just a guy"