The Simpsons

"I've made a lot of mistakes, but that's the fun of it."

"Courage is doing something scared, and I'm always scared."

"Hope is all I have left, and I'm not even sure I have that."

"Family doesn't have to be perfect to be loving."

"Friendship is about being there for each other, even when you're drunk."

"Success is subjective; I'm successful at being a failure."

"Love makes you do crazy things, like marry someone you just met."

"I'm going to turn my life around, just not today."

"Sometimes I feel like a burden to everyone I know."

"Solitude is just another word for drinking alone."

"I've had relationships, and I've learned that I'm bad at them."

"Inspiration strikes when you least expect it, usually at closing time."

"Motivation is a trick used by successful people."

"War is hell, and so is a hangover."

"Politics is a game for people who don't drink enough."

"Literature is like movies, but with more words and less action."

"Technology will destroy us all, probably while we're at the bar."

"Imagination is the only limit, that and my bank account."

"Adventure is out there, but it's also at Moe's."

"Health is wealth, but I'd trade it all for another drink."

"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely, but a good beer never corrupts."

"Fear is just another emotion I drink to forget."

"Strength comes from within, or from beer, one of the two."

"Kindness is what the world needs, not that I'm kind."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have."

"Justice is served cold, like my beer."

"Creativity is just making stuff up as you go along."

"Gratitude is feeling thankful, and I'm thankful for alcohol."

"I'm not a quitter, I'm just strategically pausing."

"Philosophy is too much thinking for not enough drinking."