The Simpsons

"Success comes to those who pursue their dreams of mayhem."

"Happiness is a freshly sharpened claw."

"The only wisdom worth having is knowing when to swing a club."

"Love is just another word for hitting someone with a mallet."

"Violence is the answer to all of life's problems."

"Mwahahaha! Time to get scratched!"

"At the end of the day, we're all just trying to get by."

"I'm a work in progress, and probably always will be."

"The future is bright, if you're not afraid of the light."

"I've never been good at goodbyes."

"Every scar tells a story, and mine are mostly embarrassing."

"I'm not broken; I'm just creatively dysfunctional."

"In the end, all that matters is that you tried your best, or tried at all."

"I may stumble, but I never fall, I just collapse gracefully."

"The world would be better if everyone were like me, which is also the worst thing."

"I've learned that pain is just weakness leaving the body, or too much alcohol."

"Sometimes being honest is the hardest thing to do."

"I'm not afraid of death; I'm afraid of living without meaning."

"The greatest adventure is within your own mind, or Moe's bar."

"I believe in myself, even when nobody else does."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy beer, which is close."

"I've tried to be a better person, but it's exhausting."

"Life's too short to worry about the future."

"I'm not lazy; I'm just on a permanent vacation from responsibility."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best is now."

"I've always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize the effort involved."

"Beauty fades, but stupidity is forever, and I should know."

"I may not be smart, but I'm good at faking it."

"Every day is a chance to make things better."

"Death is scary, but so is being sober."