The Simpsons

"My family is falling apart!"

"The liver is evil and must be punished."

"They call it a Royale with Cheese."

"Change is the enemy, friend. And I oppose it with all my might."

"I was a hero to the people."

"Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out."

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how much he sucks?"

"Leadership. It's not about being in front. It's about being the back that pushes."

"Remember, you can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."

"I'm like a white knight riding through the suburbs, dispensing justice evenly."

"I don't like being outdoors, Lenny. Too many fat people in shorts."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."

"Love is a many-splendored thing, Hope is a thing with feathers, but Sex is like a big funny game."

"It's not a lie if you believe it."

"The waiting is the hardest part."

"That's it! You all have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

"I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?"

"To start, press any key. Where's the any key?"

"I think we can all agree that the key to a successful marriage is honesty, and if that fails, just lying."

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'"

"I'm never trying again."

"Why is it always me? Why can't it be someone else?"

"Ah, sweet seventeen hundred dollars."

"I would kill for a donut."

"I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish things would die."

"The only monster here is the gambling monster that lurks in all of us."

"How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain."

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

"I'm in my own little world, but it's okay, they know me here."