The Simpsons

"Success is a young man's game. I blew it."

"Family is everything. Thank God I don't have one."

"Courage? That's for people with something to lose."

"Patience is for people with time. I got neither."

"You learn something new every day. Today I learned I'm a failure."

"Change is just another word for things getting worse."

"The secret to happiness is low expectations."

"Beauty fades, but mediocrity is forever."

"I don't get no respect, I tell ya."

"Hope is for people with good credit."

"Barkeeping isn't a job, it's a calling... a terrible, low-paying calling."

"The real tragedy is that I'll never get rich."

"I've seen things, Homer. Things that would make your head spin."

"Love? That's for people with money."

"Every day I wake up and think, 'This is it, this is the day I lose the bar.'"

"You're the only friend I have, and you're only here for the free booze."

"I'm not a miracle worker. Well, I was once, but I was younger then."

"Life's a grind, and then you die."

"A man walks into a bar... it's me."

"Why is it always the innocent that suffer?"

"I've been in this business for thirty years and I've never seen anything like it."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one at the bar."

"Technology is just another way to prank people."

"Imagine a world without rules, then live it."

"Adventure awaits in every hallway of Springfield Elementary."

"Junk food is a food group if you believe hard enough."

"Money can buy you out of trouble, sometimes."

"The ultimate power is making people laugh at authority."

"Fear is just adrenaline in disguise."